A blog for reviews… that's really not much of a blog

Foreword: Sometimes I just wonder… Why the living hell am I doing this to myself? It’s just so obvious what the results are going to be, but I end up still going through it anyways. I call myself an idiot for doing this and while that’s true to a certain extent, it’s just as sad that games are horrible to the point I can tell it’s shitty just by playing it for literally 5 minutes.

Just… don’t play this. Seriously, fucking don’t. I know we’ve all had good impressions on Parasol from this game but this game ruins everything. I’m laughing my ass off here at pure disgust at how different the two games are in quality. Like, even nukige has more story than this, and while I expected to be able to fap to my lolis, nope. That didn’t happen because I was so sick of all the bullshit that this game had to push on my face.

Parasol is one of the very few companies for which I’ve played all their released games. Trust me on this: This game is the worst one by far, evenmoreso than games like Koiimo (This game sucks just as much, but at least the characters are at least lovable).

More like, why the hell am I even writing a review for this?

P.S. The next review’s going to be a doujin “hentai” game, which I felt obligated to write a review for, because it was freaking amazing unlike this one. Gimme a fucking break, Japan: If Doujin Games are infinitely better than this cheap-ass nukige, it really says something.

This review contains INTENTIONAL spoilers because it’s really not worth playing by anyone, even the loli-loving fat-ass 30-year old weeaboos. If you want to fap to this be my guest. Just don’t play it for the story.

Please forgive me for being EXTREMELY vulgar and scarce with the information of this review. In reality, there’s nothing to write about except how bad it is.

Title: Quintuple Splash
Producers: Parasol
Release Date: December 25, 2015
Game Type: Borderline Nukige/Charage with no story with themes of swimming

Summary: Sakiomi is a student at a formerly all-girl’s school that’s announced to be fused with another all-girl’s school. This new environment creates more friends, who are mostly girls now! His harem of lolis have just begun!

(Note: This is a highly-satirical criticism at the lack of proper setting design on behalf of the producers. Please do note that I was not being serious with this Summary)
Story Length: Moderately Short (thankfully)
Complete Story Clearing Difficulty: Easy
Comments: The Ctrl button will become your best-bud as you skip through the worthless repetitive scenes and H-scenes that ironically had the most effort put into them. There’s no story you’ll be missing, so if you’re the type of person who REALLY REALLY wants to fap to lolis, just get a savedata and enjoy. Otherwise, don’t even touch this game.

Character Design Rating: 2/10
Story Rating: 0/10
Protagonist Rating: 1/10
Game Quality: Low
Overall Rating: 1/10
Rating Comments: Okay, I was super generous with that Character Design. I would’ve liked to give it a 0/10 because everything was pretty much a fucking copy-paste from other games. No originality, just generic childhood friend settings, tsundere imoutos that I’m sick of, and the typical fetish tags to sell this game to the people who really have too much money to spend on it.  Seriously. Character designs are such a mess that subcharacters are more attractive and drew more affection than the heroines themselves, who were sometimes an annoying bitch.

Story officially takes the prize as “Worst Story of 2016”. This is like the 3rd game in 2016 that I’ve played, but trust me on this one; you really can’t get any worse than this. Remember how I said Suzukaze no Melt and Pure x Connect had very little transition with romance? THIS GAME HAD FUCKING NONE. In literally one scene, the heroine confesses and the protagonist goes “Oh yay, I have a girl who would have sex with me”. I’m not even joking here; he gives off the impression of a very solemn, serious protagonist in the beginning of the story, but he’s literally a horny Japanese teenager who’s just up and ready to pump his gene seeds into the heroine.

So the main problem with this game was that it literally took all the conflict of the respective heroine and placed it at the END of the route, rather than in the middle. In essence, you had the following:
Common Route -> Confession/H-scenes -> Conflict -> Resolution -> Ending

Oh man, don’t even get me started on how cringe-worthy the setting of the story was either. A former all-girls school that became a co-ed and is now fused AGAIN with another former all-girl’s school? Did literally several months of planning give you NOTHING ELSE, Parasol? Even a freaking grade schooler would come up with a better scenario than this, not to mention that this is the only thing you’re holding up against possible lawsuits/criticisms for copy-paste storylines

Character Summary: Not even going to try to hide spoilers. Here they are.

“The Bitch” is what I would like to tag this character with, as someone who has a general hatred for males that magically disappears at one point as she falls in love with Sakiomi. Despite seemingly the central heroine, Saori has very little role in the beginning scenes. If at all, her drowning all of a sudden was completely contradictory of how she breaks time records by the end of her route, and how she treats Sakiomi like shit even though he saved her life was enough to get me disgusted.

Her role of a miko was nothing other than to add some extra H-scenes and how she pretty much went from hating Sakiomi to opening her legs to him in a matter of days was completely unnatural. Simply put, very poor character design.

“Ojousama” is the best word to describe this character, your typical former “Student Council President” heroine who is absolutely infatuated with the protagonist from the beginning of the story, which is shown to be just because he mentioned how she had cherry blossoms in her hair (dead serious; Sae explicitly says this is why she fell in love with him).

Other than this, as well as being the “jealousy”character when Sakiomi is in company of another girl, Sae had nothing else. In fact, she’s shown to hold feelings for Sakiomi, and said feeling just dissipate in a different heroine’s route.

Her route involves two things; how her family is trying to set her up in an arranged marriage, and how the swimming club doesn’t have enough funds to pay for a field-trip. Be my guest and guess; see how obvious the endings are going to be.

Ami’s actually a 3rd year despite her small size (lolis ftw), and filled to the brim with energy, like a kid

pedo bear stamp of approval. lol look at tags.. I never look at the tags but I did this time....FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU

In the story though, she comes out and flat out says she “fell in love at first sight” when Sakiomi saves Saori from drowning and pretty much almost immediately confesses again at the route split.

Corresponding to her personality, Ami thinks swimming is supposed to be fun, which goes against Saori’s mindset of taking after-school activities seriously. This conflict is maintained pretty much throughout the game, except that in her own route, Ami receives a change of heart with her desire to send Saori into the official competitions.

However, Saori gets injured while cleaning up before a competition and Ami blames herself for it as the club leader like an emo kid for pretty much no reason. With no one to take her part, Ami takes over the competition and magically wins 1st place. I’m so fucking done.

So this is your literal “childhood friend who wasn’t interested in you suddenly finding you insanely attractive” route. I guess it was at least less painful for me to read since the two characters do have that brief transition where there’s hesitation to further their relationship, but again it’s so brief that my cup ramen finished cooking before it was over.

Any other questions?

Tsundere Imouto. Must I say more? I’ve seen too much of this and frankly, I hate it so much that I honestly didn’t have good impressions on Tomoe. Turns out, this girl who treats her brother like shit (although I don’t blame her), was also in love with him the entire time, and that makes perfect fucking sense. In her route, this is shown as Tomoe displaying more “jealousy” than even Sae.

This all gets overturned when Tomoe falls ill and Sakiomi takes care of her. Apparently, this was enough to change the girl’s attitude from “My older brother is annoying” to “I love my older brother so much I want to have sex with him”.

The weird thing is, this is the only route where it’s hinted that both Mio and Sae “suppress their feelings” for Sakiomi. This scene is also too brief, which make it lack the impact that I would’ve wanted it to have.

Sexual Content: Moderately High

Comments: Just… don’t. This game really hurts your brain

Affection for the Characters: Do you seriously need to ask?

CG Score: 3/10. Loli artwork is nice, but too many HCGs and too little normal CGs.
Music Score: 5/10. Decent enough music, although I’m pretty sure some tracks were re-used (aka, resynthesized) from previous games. They also need to stop abusing Chata for all their songs.

Addictiveness: I’d rather cut off my limbs than to play this again.

Conclusion: You have a good game, then you have a stupendously horrible piece of shit that’s not even worthy of being called a nukige. Parasol failed first to create a decent romance element, but then also failed by pretty much sticking in H-scenes randomly (as well as being too early), then tried to cover everything up with a poor conflict that’s extremely generic and lacking originality.

In short, this game is only for those who like to fap to lolis and should be kept that way. In no way should this game be used for anything outside of this.

==Tags are not added due to writer’s mental pain and frustration at this title==

Now that I’ve completely trashed this game, let’s move onto the next!

Advertisements

Comments on: "Where Lolis Meet All Sorts of Fetishes: Review of [151225] Quintuple Splash" (10)

  1. […] boring and unoriginality along with similarities from the previous kusoge from Parasol (which was Quintriple Splash) including way-too-early H-scenes, shit romance, and of course the cringe and unwanted addition of […]

  2. I lost it at the pedobear seal of approval!! XD Keep up the good work!

  3. Something that I learned from doing reviews: No matter how horrible and stupid the game is for you, there will be fans for it! I know what you’re thinking: “But one can’t possibly enjoy this shit”. Hehe! It was what I thought too, but in 2015, I had to deal with so many shit and the fans of said shit! I hope We get better stuff now in the rest of 2016!

  4. I’m actually reading this right now. So far I have just entered Mio’s route. Don’t know what to say yet, but might add it’s a little boring with swimming and stuff… I think I’ll just finish Mio and Tomoe’s route then I’m gonna drop it. Nothing really caught my interest for November and December, so I just picked this up to satisfy my cravings :/ Other than that I actually kind of like Ichiri’s art. I suppose the SDCGs are also illustrated by Ichiri since they follow his/her style. Sakura Hanpen also interests me somewhat not because of his art but rather he was supposedly in poor health thus his LN SeireiTsukai no Blade Dance was put on haitus. It’s kinda of a relief to see him back illustrating stuff… I never liked Yukie’s artwork. Head is always too large. Mikeou – characters look like derp. Nuff said

    • I think we both agree that more Chikotam would be nice. I’m actually not too familiar with the artists for this one, but I can’t really say that I enjoyed any portion of the art though I did find SDCGs adorable.

      Out of curiosity, what would you say about the story? I don’t expect a full-blown rant like I have but I’m genuinely curious to what another player might think of a poorly-designed story like this one, especially if you’ve also played Nanohana previously.

    • Story? What Story? Haha anyways I skipped reading your Character summary to avoid spoilers. Alas, after almost 2 hours I completed Mio and Tomoe’s route, and decided I’ve had enough. Basically, it’s like what you said – No story at all. Sounds like PureXConnect to me. Just random pieces of scenarios placed together to make a route. For both routes the confession took place fairly quickly after making your choice. I think Mio’s route was the worst of the 2 I read. 1 minute after the confession and they are making love. Then comes the melodramatic part where Mio gets jealous and quarrels with the protag. 5 minutes later and the drama is over and the they make out after the protag saves her from drowning. This was pretty much my impression of Mio’s route – very poorly thought up drama and transition.

      For Tomoe it was just slightly better. Typical incest story. I thought Tomoe’s personality changed extremely quickly. All it needed was the protag to take care of her while she was sick. Other than that it was nothing much. Particularly lots of H-scenes too, around 30-40% of the route. In the middle Momiji opposes them being in a relationship and a few scenes later she’s supporting them. What’s the point of the conflict? The protag and Tomoe are back to square one.

      Overall, both stories gave me the impression that the game was really rushed. It was very evident in Mio’s route where things happen very quickly and get solved very quickly. Even with the apparent “swimming” theme there was little that was even related to it (Mostly H-scenes) Setting was very limited, mostly the dorms and the swimming pool. Honestly after reading through half of Mio’s route it became a drag to read through the rest of her and Tomoe’s route. Well it’s actually my first Parasol game but I didn’t expect much since it’s a game about swimming. I don’t know for the rest of the routes since I actually took up this VN for Mio and Tomoe, but probably won’t even bother now.

      Sounds very one-sided but it’s really very hard to find something which they did right.

    • You’ve made the right choice in saving yourself from the clusterfuck of other routes.

      On another thought, I find it surprising that this is your first Parasol game, since most players who are familiar with this company tend to have more experience from previous games. Nonetheless, I highly suggest you give Nanohana a go just to see how different the two games are in pretty much everything.

    • Mmm I might try nanohana. I remembered seeing it quite a while ago and the OP gave me quite a impression. Adding it to my backlog… Speaking of which have you watched the aokana anime? I’m hyped since I really loved the VN but I’m not really expecting much from the anime… Might be like koichoco…

    • Yep, I’m expecting the similar to Aokana. It’s just that it’s almost impossible for all the elements of Aokana to be implemented within merely 13 or so episodes of an anime. There will definitely be some holes in the anime that the VN covers, and this is if they decide to animate Asuka’s Route; animating any of the other routes would simply be retarded.

Speak your Mind...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: